Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

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Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.

I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.

Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Offering your children whatever they want Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration always generates far better long-term outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals

Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mom or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Discover the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and much more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key emotion under it

• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must want to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

So just how can you become a positive parent? Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Pros And Cons Of Attachment Theory


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