Protective Parenting – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

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Protective Parenting
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Protective Parenting

There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Protective Parenting

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Protective Parenting

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Protective Parenting

Protective Parenting

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.

Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Protective Parenting

Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children whatever they want Protective Parenting

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields much better lasting outcomes than forced control.

Parents that adopt this concept have learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-control

• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Protective Parenting

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Below are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mom or daddy you’ve always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her full potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

However we can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Protective Parenting

For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion beneath it

• A lot of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Protective Parenting

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we have to be willing to give first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Protective Parenting

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Protective Parenting

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Protective Parenting

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Protective Parenting

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Protective Parenting

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Protective Parenting


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