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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Proven Accurate Parental Advice
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Proven Accurate Parental Advice
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Proven Accurate Parental Advice
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Proven Accurate Parental Advice
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Proven Accurate Parental Advice
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Proven Accurate Parental Advice
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Proven Accurate Parental Advice
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Proven Accurate Parental Advice
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• Most upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Proven Accurate Parental Advice
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Proven Accurate Parental Advice
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Proven Accurate Parental Advice
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Proven Accurate Parental Advice
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Proven Accurate Parental Advice
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Proven Accurate Parental Advice
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Proven Accurate Parental Advice
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