Public Tantrums – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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Public Tantrums
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Public Tantrums

There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Public Tantrums

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Public Tantrums

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy child development Public Tantrums

Public Tantrums

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Public Tantrums

Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Offering your children whatever they want Public Tantrums

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates far better long-term outcomes than strict control.

Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going deeper than mere outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Public Tantrums

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mommy or father you’ve always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can progress a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Public Tantrums

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling beneath it

• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Public Tantrums

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Public Tantrums

This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Public Tantrums

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Public Tantrums

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

So how can you come to be a positive parent? Public Tantrums

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Public Tantrums

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Public Tantrums


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