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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Punishment For Biting
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Punishment For Biting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Punishment For Biting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Punishment For Biting
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Punishment For Biting
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Punishment For Biting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration always generates far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Punishment For Biting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Punishment For Biting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Many upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Punishment For Biting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Punishment For Biting
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Punishment For Biting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Punishment For Biting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Punishment For Biting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Punishment For Biting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Punishment For Biting
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