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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Punishment For Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Punishment For Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Punishment For Child
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Punishment For Child
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Punishment For Child
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Punishment For Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Punishment For Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and also more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Punishment For Child
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Punishment For Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we must want to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Punishment For Child
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Punishment For Child
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Punishment For Child
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Punishment For Child
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Punishment For Child
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Punishment For Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.