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When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Punishment For Swearing
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Punishment For Swearing
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Punishment For Swearing
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Punishment For Swearing
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Punishment For Swearing
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Punishment For Swearing
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Punishment For Swearing
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (as well as more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Punishment For Swearing
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Punishment For Swearing
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Punishment For Swearing
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Punishment For Swearing
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Punishment For Swearing
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Punishment For Swearing
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Punishment For Swearing
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Punishment For Swearing
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