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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Punishments For Lying
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Punishments For Lying
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Punishments For Lying
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as basically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Punishments For Lying
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Punishments For Lying
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Punishments For Lying
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always generates better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Punishments For Lying
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Punishments For Lying
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key emotion below it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Punishments For Lying
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we have to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Punishments For Lying
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Punishments For Lying
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Punishments For Lying
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Punishments For Lying
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Punishments For Lying
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Punishments For Lying
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