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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Quality Of Mood
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Quality Of Mood
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Quality Of Mood
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Quality Of Mood
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Quality Of Mood
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Quality Of Mood
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Quality Of Mood
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Quality Of Mood
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Quality Of Mood
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be eager to offer. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Quality Of Mood
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Quality Of Mood
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Quality Of Mood
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Quality Of Mood
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Quality Of Mood
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Quality Of Mood
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.