Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a couple of the methods Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we should agree to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Quotes About People Who Talk Behind Your Back
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.