Raise A Family – Just How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Raise A Family
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Raise A Family

There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Raise A Family

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Raise A Family

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Raise A Family

Raise A Family

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Considering his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Raise A Family

Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Offering your children whatever they want Raise A Family

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always generates better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint

• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Raise A Family

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Here are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to encourage you to become the mommy or father you’ve always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and also much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Raise A Family

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion below it

• Many mad children are really scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Raise A Family

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Raise A Family

This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Raise A Family

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Raise A Family

Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So how can you come to be a positive parent? Raise A Family

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Raise A Family

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Raise A Family


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