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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and extra usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Raising A Child Without A Father Quotes
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.