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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Raising A High Energy Child
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Raising A High Energy Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Raising A High Energy Child
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Raising A High Energy Child
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Raising A High Energy Child
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Raising A High Energy Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Raising A High Energy Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Raising A High Energy Child
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Raising A High Energy Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Raising A High Energy Child
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Raising A High Energy Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Raising A High Energy Child
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Raising A High Energy Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Raising A High Energy Child
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Raising A High Energy Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.