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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Raising Children Book
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Raising Children Book
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Raising Children Book
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Raising Children Book
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Raising Children Book
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Raising Children Book
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always generates much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Raising Children Book
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Raising Children Book
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Raising Children Book
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Raising Children Book
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Raising Children Book
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Raising Children Book
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Raising Children Book
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. But gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Raising Children Book
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Raising Children Book
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