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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Raising Children Books
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Raising Children Books
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Raising Children Books
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Raising Children Books
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Raising Children Books
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Raising Children Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Raising Children Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Raising Children Books
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling beneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Raising Children Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we should want to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Raising Children Books
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Raising Children Books
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Raising Children Books
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Raising Children Books
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Raising Children Books
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Raising Children Books
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.