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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Raising Empathetic Children
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Raising Empathetic Children
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Raising Empathetic Children
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy child development Raising Empathetic Children
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Raising Empathetic Children
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Raising Empathetic Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently generates better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Raising Empathetic Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Raising Empathetic Children
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling under it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Raising Empathetic Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must want to give first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Raising Empathetic Children
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Raising Empathetic Children
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Raising Empathetic Children
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Raising Empathetic Children
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Raising Empathetic Children
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Raising Empathetic Children
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