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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Raising Kids Book
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Raising Kids Book
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Raising Kids Book
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Raising Kids Book
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Raising Kids Book
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Raising Kids Book
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation always yields better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Raising Kids Book
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Raising Kids Book
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Raising Kids Book
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Raising Kids Book
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Raising Kids Book
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Raising Kids Book
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Raising Kids Book
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Raising Kids Book
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Raising Kids Book
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.