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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Raising Teenage Girl
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Raising Teenage Girl
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Raising Teenage Girl
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Raising Teenage Girl
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Raising Teenage Girl
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Raising Teenage Girl
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Raising Teenage Girl
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Raising Teenage Girl
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Raising Teenage Girl
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. Raising Teenage Girl
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Raising Teenage Girl
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Raising Teenage Girl
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Raising Teenage Girl
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Raising Teenage Girl
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Raising Teenage Girl
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