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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation always yields much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also much more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we have to agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Raising Well Behaved Toddlers
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