Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Real Parent
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Real Parent
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Real Parent
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy child development Real Parent
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Real Parent
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Real Parent
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently yields far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Real Parent
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her full potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Real Parent
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Real Parent
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. Real Parent
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Real Parent
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Real Parent
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Real Parent
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Real Parent
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Real Parent
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.