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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Reasons For Child Discipline
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Reasons For Child Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Reasons For Child Discipline
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Reasons For Child Discipline
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Reasons For Child Discipline
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Reasons For Child Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Reasons For Child Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to help you to become the mama or father you have actually always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and also much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Reasons For Child Discipline
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling under it
• Many upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Reasons For Child Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. Reasons For Child Discipline
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Reasons For Child Discipline
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Reasons For Child Discipline
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Reasons For Child Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Reasons For Child Discipline
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Reasons For Child Discipline
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.