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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Rebecca Eanes
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Rebecca Eanes
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Rebecca Eanes
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Rebecca Eanes
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Rebecca Eanes
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Rebecca Eanes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Rebecca Eanes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Rebecca Eanes
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Rebecca Eanes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Rebecca Eanes
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Rebecca Eanes
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Rebecca Eanes
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Rebecca Eanes
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Rebecca Eanes
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Rebecca Eanes
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