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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Respect For Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Respect For Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Respect For Child
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Respect For Child
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Respect For Child
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Respect For Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Respect For Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Respect For Child
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main emotion under it
• The majority of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Respect For Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Respect For Child
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Respect For Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Respect For Child
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Respect For Child
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Respect For Child
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Respect For Child
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