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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Respect For Children
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Respect For Children
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Respect For Children
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Respect For Children
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Respect For Children
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Respect For Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Respect For Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Respect For Children
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Respect For Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we must be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Respect For Children
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Respect For Children
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Respect For Children
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Respect For Children
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Respect For Children
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Respect For Children
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