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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also extra common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Restorative Parenting: Parenting For A Peaceful Home By Margaret Thorsborne
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.