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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Rewards Siblings
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Rewards Siblings
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Rewards Siblings
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy child development Rewards Siblings
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Rewards Siblings
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Rewards Siblings
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Rewards Siblings
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also extra typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Rewards Siblings
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Rewards Siblings
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Rewards Siblings
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Rewards Siblings
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Rewards Siblings
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Rewards Siblings
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Rewards Siblings
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Rewards Siblings
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.