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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Rough-housing
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Rough-housing
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Rough-housing
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Rough-housing
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Rough-housing
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Rough-housing
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration always produces far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Rough-housing
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and also extra usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Rough-housing
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Rough-housing
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we must be ready to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Rough-housing
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Rough-housing
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Rough-housing
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Rough-housing
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Rough-housing
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Rough-housing
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