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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently generates far better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Below are a number of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mommy or dad you have actually always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Rules For Grandparents Babysitting
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