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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Rules For Toddlers
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Rules For Toddlers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Rules For Toddlers
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Rules For Toddlers
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Rules For Toddlers
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Rules For Toddlers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Rules For Toddlers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Rules For Toddlers
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion below it
• Many angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Rules For Toddlers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Rules For Toddlers
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Rules For Toddlers
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Rules For Toddlers
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Rules For Toddlers
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Rules For Toddlers
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Rules For Toddlers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.