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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration always produces much better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. S.K.I.P Positive Parenting
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