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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Safe And Positive Approaches
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Safe And Positive Approaches
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Safe And Positive Approaches
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Safe And Positive Approaches
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Safe And Positive Approaches
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Safe And Positive Approaches
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation always produces much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Safe And Positive Approaches
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Safe And Positive Approaches
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Safe And Positive Approaches
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we need to be willing to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Safe And Positive Approaches
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Safe And Positive Approaches
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Safe And Positive Approaches
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Safe And Positive Approaches
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Safe And Positive Approaches
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Safe And Positive Approaches
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