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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Safest Pacifiers
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Safest Pacifiers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Safest Pacifiers
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Safest Pacifiers
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Safest Pacifiers
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Safest Pacifiers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation always yields much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Safest Pacifiers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and also extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Safest Pacifiers
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Most angry children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Safest Pacifiers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Safest Pacifiers
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Safest Pacifiers
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Safest Pacifiers
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Safest Pacifiers
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Safest Pacifiers
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Safest Pacifiers
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