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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Scared Kid
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Scared Kid
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Scared Kid
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began checking out blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Scared Kid
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Scared Kid
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Scared Kid
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Scared Kid
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Scared Kid
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Scared Kid
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Scared Kid
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Scared Kid
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Scared Kid
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Scared Kid
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Scared Kid
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Scared Kid
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