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When I first became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Self Absorbed Teenagers
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Self Absorbed Teenagers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Self Absorbed Teenagers
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Self Absorbed Teenagers
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Self Absorbed Teenagers
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Self Absorbed Teenagers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Self Absorbed Teenagers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Self Absorbed Teenagers
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Self Absorbed Teenagers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to receive from our child, we need to want to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Self Absorbed Teenagers
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Self Absorbed Teenagers
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Self Absorbed Teenagers
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Self Absorbed Teenagers
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Self Absorbed Teenagers
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Self Absorbed Teenagers
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