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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Self Care For Educators
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Self Care For Educators
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Self Care For Educators
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Self Care For Educators
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Self Care For Educators
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Self Care For Educators
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Self Care For Educators
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Self Care For Educators
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Self Care For Educators
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we have to be willing to give first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Self Care For Educators
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Self Care For Educators
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Self Care For Educators
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Self Care For Educators
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Self Care For Educators
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Self Care For Educators
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.