Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Self Care For Teachers
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Self Care For Teachers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Self Care For Teachers
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Self Care For Teachers
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Self Care For Teachers
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Self Care For Teachers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Self Care For Teachers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Self Care For Teachers
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Self Care For Teachers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Self Care For Teachers
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Self Care For Teachers
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Self Care For Teachers
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Self Care For Teachers
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Self Care For Teachers
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Self Care For Teachers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.