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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields far better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we need to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Sending Children Home From School For Behavior
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