Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Sharing Kids
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Sharing Kids
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Sharing Kids
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and virtually every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Sharing Kids
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Sharing Kids
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Sharing Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Sharing Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Sharing Kids
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling under it
• Many mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Sharing Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Sharing Kids
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Sharing Kids
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Sharing Kids
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Sharing Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Sharing Kids
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Sharing Kids
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.