Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we should be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Should I Hold My Child Back A Grade
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.