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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Sibling Bonding
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Sibling Bonding
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Sibling Bonding
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and practically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Sibling Bonding
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Sibling Bonding
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Sibling Bonding
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always yields far better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Sibling Bonding
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and much more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Sibling Bonding
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Sibling Bonding
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Sibling Bonding
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Sibling Bonding
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Sibling Bonding
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Sibling Bonding
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Sibling Bonding
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Sibling Bonding
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