Sibling Competition – Exactly How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Behave

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Sibling Competition
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Sibling Competition

There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Sibling Competition

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Sibling Competition

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other typically approved parenting method.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Sibling Competition

Sibling Competition

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to help for the moment. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Given his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Sibling Competition

Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Providing your children whatever they want Sibling Competition

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation consistently yields better long-term outcomes than strict control.

Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint

• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Sibling Competition

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Below are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to help you to become the mother or dad you have actually always intended to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

But we can progress a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Sibling Competition

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion below it

• A lot of mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Sibling Competition

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we should be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Sibling Competition

This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Sibling Competition

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Sibling Competition

Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.

Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Sibling Competition

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Sibling Competition

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Sibling Competition


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

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