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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Sibling Harmony
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Sibling Harmony
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Sibling Harmony
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as basically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Sibling Harmony
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Sibling Harmony
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Sibling Harmony
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently yields better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Sibling Harmony
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Sibling Harmony
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion below it
• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Sibling Harmony
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Sibling Harmony
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Sibling Harmony
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Sibling Harmony
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Sibling Harmony
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Sibling Harmony
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Sibling Harmony
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