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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Sibling Issues
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Sibling Issues
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Sibling Issues
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Sibling Issues
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Sibling Issues
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Sibling Issues
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Sibling Issues
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Sibling Issues
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key emotion below it
• Many upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Sibling Issues
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we must agree to provide first. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Sibling Issues
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Sibling Issues
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Sibling Issues
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Sibling Issues
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Sibling Issues
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Sibling Issues
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