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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Sibling Rivalry Solutions
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Sibling Rivalry Solutions
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Sibling Rivalry Solutions
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Sibling Rivalry Solutions
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Sibling Rivalry Solutions
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Sibling Rivalry Solutions
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Sibling Rivalry Solutions
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mommy or dad you have actually always intended to be, and help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Sibling Rivalry Solutions
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• Many upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Sibling Rivalry Solutions
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be prepared to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Sibling Rivalry Solutions
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Sibling Rivalry Solutions
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Sibling Rivalry Solutions
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Sibling Rivalry Solutions
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Sibling Rivalry Solutions
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Sibling Rivalry Solutions
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.