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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Sibling Sharing
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Sibling Sharing
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Sibling Sharing
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Sibling Sharing
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Sibling Sharing
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Sibling Sharing
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Sibling Sharing
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Sibling Sharing
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Sibling Sharing
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we must want to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Sibling Sharing
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Sibling Sharing
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Sibling Sharing
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Sibling Sharing
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Sibling Sharing
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Sibling Sharing
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