Siblings Fighting – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Listen

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Siblings Fighting
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Siblings Fighting

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Siblings Fighting

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Siblings Fighting

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Siblings Fighting

Siblings Fighting

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Siblings Fighting

Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding major misbehavior

• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Siblings Fighting

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting results than strict control.

Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals

Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-control

• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Siblings Fighting

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Below are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mommy or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and also extra usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Siblings Fighting

As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion underneath it

• Many upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Siblings Fighting

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Siblings Fighting

This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Siblings Fighting

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Siblings Fighting

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Siblings Fighting

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Siblings Fighting

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Siblings Fighting


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