Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Silence Signals
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Silence Signals
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Silence Signals
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development Silence Signals
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Silence Signals
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Silence Signals
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Silence Signals
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Silence Signals
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Silence Signals
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Silence Signals
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Silence Signals
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Silence Signals
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Silence Signals
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Silence Signals
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Silence Signals
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.