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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Silicone Pacifiers Safe
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Silicone Pacifiers Safe
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Silicone Pacifiers Safe
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Silicone Pacifiers Safe
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Silicone Pacifiers Safe
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Silicone Pacifiers Safe
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always yields far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Silicone Pacifiers Safe
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Silicone Pacifiers Safe
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Most upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Silicone Pacifiers Safe
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to provide first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Silicone Pacifiers Safe
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Silicone Pacifiers Safe
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Silicone Pacifiers Safe
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Silicone Pacifiers Safe
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Silicone Pacifiers Safe
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Silicone Pacifiers Safe
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.