Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Sister Fighting
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Sister Fighting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Sister Fighting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Sister Fighting
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Sister Fighting
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Sister Fighting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Sister Fighting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, and assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Sister Fighting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Sister Fighting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to receive from our child, we must want to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Sister Fighting
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Sister Fighting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Sister Fighting
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Sister Fighting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Sister Fighting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Sister Fighting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.