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When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Six Year Old Tantrum
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Six Year Old Tantrum
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Six Year Old Tantrum
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Six Year Old Tantrum
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Six Year Old Tantrum
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Six Year Old Tantrum
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Six Year Old Tantrum
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and also more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Six Year Old Tantrum
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main feeling below it
• Most mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Six Year Old Tantrum
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Six Year Old Tantrum
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Six Year Old Tantrum
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Six Year Old Tantrum
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Six Year Old Tantrum
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Six Year Old Tantrum
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Six Year Old Tantrum
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.